It’s been a year!

Happy birthday to us!🤸❤️

Happy birthday, The A Word. You turned one today! Whoooooosh!

I’m so glad I overcame my initial fear, gave myself a chance and went with creating a blog. Now, today is our one-year blogging anniversary! It feels so great to celebrate a milestone.

Reminiscing now on the days that started it all. The days I told myself over and over again that I’m not a dabbler or a scribbler, but a proper writer. Till last year when something changed. I wanted to share my words.

But with so many platforms, where do one start?

I found this pretty large community. WordPress gives me an outlet. An opportunity to voice my thoughts. A chance to connect with others who feel the same as me. And it’s been exciting engaging with other bloggers.

By blogging, I have learned how to make my writing more personal. With each piece, my writing becomes more me. I’m slowly developing my voice.

I like that I write like I speak. That is the reason behind my blog being titled The A Word. My voice on the page is as authentic as my voice in person. The greatest compliment I ever received from a friend is that they totally can imagine me saying the words that I put on the page. I love my blog. I love how it’s not just a hobby. It has been a blessing on many sad days. Hopefully you feel the love that comfort my sorrow and my pain. Hopefully you get to know the God behind my happiness and my bliss. That’s why it’s important to me that I’m genuine.

If you’ve been on my blogging journey with me through the last year – I love you and thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I really appreciate your kind comments and contributions. Your support, love and words of encouragement motivate me to keep writing.

I also have great news! This time next year, my blog will be monetized. (Crazy faith, right?) There are lot of things about my blog I’d love to change. All the same, I look forward to celebrating my 2nd anniversary with my new, improved WordPress site and YOU.

I can feel myself growing. Recognising my progress spurs me to keep going. Keep progressing. I’m at the start of my writing journey, and I know I’ve got a long way to go. But that’s okay. I’m getting a lot from it. I’m loving the process. The question now is “Who will stop me?” Cause I’m not stopping anytime soon.

With me being a full-time student and a full-time procrastinator, I’m trying hard to overcome this procrastination. I hope it takes a hint and stay away from me.

To more years of being enabled by God and of not giving up when things get tough, uncomfortable and exhausting. Cheers to a much more consistent and productive year of blogging. Year two, shall we?

A little note to you: I know you may be sceptical at first or struggle a little, but you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish if you give yourself a chance.

“You’re already living something you once wanted to experience. Imagine what else you can bring to life. Remember your superpower.”

~ Idil Ahmed.

“I write to tell a story, entertain, inspire, excite, enlighten, engage, bring positivity and for my own enjoyment, doing something I love.”

© Agnes Ajadi| Blogger| The A Word

I am Oluwaferanmi,

And you are loved by God.❤️

The Sunshine Blogger Award.

Some months into blogging, and I got nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award. I must say, this nomination is a huge honor for me, as it makes me really proud of my work. Penjiri is an amazing blogger whose blog and contents scream creativity. She blogs in a quite reflective manner. I appreciate good contents, and hers over time has genuinely peaked my interest. What more? She’s a teenager just like me! A big thank you to my dear blogger friend, Penjiri. I truly appreciate you nominating my blog for this award.

What is the Sunshine Blogger Award? For my non-blogger readers, the award is a peer recognition of the inspiring, creative and motivational work done by bloggers. It is given by bloggers to bloggers who inspire positivity and creativity in the blogging community. By accepting the award nomination, there are certain rules to be followed:


  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  • Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you.
  • Nominate 11 new bloggers to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or your blog.

Penjiri’s questions:

1. What would be your perfect day?

My idea of a perfect day is nothing short of staying at home doing all the things I love: Listening to calm music, reading a great book, watching movies, randomly observing things, writing, and spending time with my mum. Nothing is more comforting to my soul than the little things.

2. What’s your favourite thing you own and why?

My glasses. Cause, why not? I’m a blind bat without them.

3. What did you dream about last night?

I’m not much of a dreamer. But for someone I thought of last night; My dad. I miss him everyday. But what’s the sun without a little rain, right?

4. If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

  • Three more wishes. (I’m a girl with many demands.😅)
  • Clarity.
  • A long, relatively stress-free life for my friends, family and I.

5. If you had to live in another period, what would you choose?

Definitely back to the ’80s. The music is the bet for me.

6. What foreign language(s) would you want to master and why?

Spanish. I love eet!

7. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Constantly putting myself down and being fearful of people’s judgment. For just once in my life, I want to be happy with who I am and what I do, with no fear of the unknown or any suffocating feeling. I’m my worst critic, and it’s about time that change happen.

8. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

A lot, but I will sum it up to being loved.

9. If you had to describe yourself in only three words, what would you choose?

Ambitious, bright and realistic.

10. What words do you think your friends would choose to describe you?

Honestly, I wouldn’t know. But I won’t mind knowing though, if I have friends reading this.

11. Which is your favourite movie of all time?

I’m a big filmophile. I watch movies a lot. Guess I’m indecisive on a favourite.

My questions:

1. What is the story behind your blog?

2. What is your favourite book?

3. What do you love most about your blog?

4. Are you a morning person?

5. What other things interest you apart from blogging?

6. What makes your heart weep?

7. What is something you wish more people knew about bloggers?

8. Calm and serene music or loud music?

9. What things are you most grateful for in your life?

10. What is your favourite childhood memory?

11. How do you picture the future?

My Nominees:

1. Figuring things out with Eliza.

2. Blessed Oluwatofunmi’s blog

3. Jay’s Chronicles

4. wellbeing spotlight

5. My Serene Words

6. Pat Fitzgerald

7. Girl With A Blog

8. Temilolainspirationbank


10. Lose Weight with Ang

11. Words of Mayor

Thank you once again, Penjiri for nominating me.💖✨

Thanks for reading through. I appreciate.❤️

Hey, you’re there?

Can I describe how I’m feeling now? Sure I like the way I’m feeling now, but it’s indescribable.

Just got off a more than an hour WhatsApp voice call with some high school friends. And oh my, getting to hear their voices again, gives me joy. Pretty well, I haven’t met with any of them since graduation.

I’m so grateful for the gifts of friends… Good friends, to hit home rightly. Those friends had at a time helped me at my worst, offered good advice, rendered prayers on my behalf, lifted my spirit, showed me love, and yeah, they’re still here. They stuck by.

It’s pretty funny how I got pissed off with my phone for having gained only like 50% before the light was taken, only to let off 30% at the expense of speaking with my friends. I sure do not regret doing that, cause every second was worth it.

And that begs the question…

Who are your friends?

Those in your circle, are they worth it?

Are you gaining value and are you also giving out value?

How well do you appreciate your friends?

My friend, Eunice, will always say, “Have godly friends, e get why.” Over time, I’ve gotten to realize the truth in that.

Sure no man is an island. We can’t live this life all alone. We need people. We need friends. But there’s the need to be conscious of those we move with. It’s not just about gaining friends. It’s about building it, feeding it, and giving it all it takes to see that it thrives. Friendship is also a relationship. A deep one at that. And if you can keep it well, you’ve got for yourself sisters and brothers.

I guess I’m gonna use my brother’s words here: “Go out, see and hear somethings for yourself, have some exposure, make friends, diversify, read books, engage in sensible arguments, knowledge is cosmopolitan. Never underestimate having intelligent conversations, it pays.”

A phone call can mean a lot to someone.

Just a text message can communicate a lot.

You never know what such a person may be going through.

Reach out to someone today.

Show some love.

Be the reason why someone smiled.

Is there someone you’ve been thinking of texting or calling?

Don’t hesitate.

Send that “hey, you’re there?” now!

It’s a blessed day, peeps. Ciao🤗❣️

For I Know

Have you ever feared that God’s designs are all against you?

Most people had, at a point in life.

We’ve all faced difficult situations, had unpalatable experiences, met disappointments, and lots more.

Yet it is helpful to always remember that God has a plan for our lives and this verse is just such a reminder.

“For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you; says the LORD, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

And while that Scripture promises comfort and hope, it is necessarily not a promise to immediately rescue us from hardship, but rather a promise that God has a plan for our lives and regardless of our present situation, He can work through it to prosper us, and bring us to the end He has promised.

Are you facing a difficult situation?

Take comfort in the words of Jeremiah 29:11.

And while you do so, remember that there is an element of obedience to this promise. There’s the need to wait on the Lord, to trust in Him and follow Him.

“We often do not know our own minds, but the Lord is never at an uncertainty. We are sometimes ready to fear that God’s designs are all against us; but as to His own people, even that which seems evil, is for good. He will give them, not the expectations of their fancies, but the expectations of their faith; the end he has promised, which will be the best for them.”

Bible Commentary (Jeremiah 29:11).

I’ve had one life changing experience in my life – the death of a loved one. It wasn’t fair to me having my dad ripped away from me at age nine. Years went by before I very much got used to the idea of having just a parent. Not until I really got to understand this verse of the Scripture.

We often do not know our own minds, but the Lord is never at an uncertainty. We are sometimes ready to fear that God’s designs are all against us; but as to His own people, even that which seems evil, is for good. He will give them, not the expectations of their fears, or the expectations of their fancies, but the expectations of their faith; the end He has promised, which will be the best for them.

“I don’t know much. But this much I do. God is up to something. He is up to something good. He is up to something amazing.”

Bailee Madison.(A Week Away).

We only have to hold on to His promise, with the belief that He is up to something good, even when we can’t see it.

Whatever it may be – failure, disappointment, death of a loved one, changing friendship, losing a job, being stuck on one point, financial crisis… Always remember His word, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

With faith, we embrace the future that God has prepared for us.

Thanks for stopping by and reading this post to the end. I appreciate you.💖

If you are blessed or the least enjoy this post, kindly share. Thank you.

And in everything…

Keep hoping…

Keep trusting…

Cause God is up to something good.

God bless.❣️

Plugged in Switched off.

Mother-mine woke me up on Saturday morning to have my phone charged. Her words, “You have a program to be at today, and who knows when you’ll be back. You should have your phone charged while there’s light.”

My lazy self thought that she could have just picked up my phone and had it plugged in, instead of waking me up. Grudgingly, I stood up to do that which she refused to do. My day kicked off afterward as I went about doing my morning duties.

Earlier to that moment, I had commented on anitaannabel post on her blog, and with the belief that she would have replied, I went to where my phone was plugged in.

To my dismay, the switch was off. And all through, my data was on, also with the Bluetooth being connected with the home theater. The battery was being drained while the phone was busy giving out, yet receiving nothing. How bad I wanted to cry.

Of a truth, most are connected to their Source, without receiving anything from the Source. Most are giving out what’s within them, yet refusing to replenish themselves with more. If what is within finishes, what will keep you going?

Just like a phone needs to be plugged in, with the switch on to gain more energy to itself, we also need to be plugged in with the one true source(Christ) and with our switches on(the readiness to receive more from Him.)

Always remember to ask yourself, “Am I plugged in, with my switch on?”

Quick question: Have you ever had the experience of plugging in your phone, only to realize later that the switch was never put on?

Let your answers roll in in the comment section.

You do know that I appreciate you and I value your thoughts and opinions, yeah? Please leave a comment, like and share. Thank you.💖

Stay connected.

Stay blessed.


Dear Diary… I Died!

Dear diary,
I stayed up late last night
Lost in my endless thoughts
And my heart bled
My tears flowed for the sorrows of the multitude
For those dying in solitude
And I died, dear diary.

"How are you?"
"I'm fine."
That's our normal.
But my heart bled,
For the unsaid:
"Confused, Betrayed, Useless, Broken..."
"Never good enough, Fragile, Anxious..."
"I'm falling apart and you don't notice it."
"Pathetic, Annoying, Rejected, Lonely, Defeated."
And so,
Dear diary, I died.

For the "We don't know where we're going"
"We don't know where we belong"
"I'm not okay and I can't fix it"
"I can't take anything anymore,I give up."
I couldn't help it,
I died again, dear diary.

For those who can't stop being so angry,
Who can't stop being so sad,
Who can't stop killing themselves,
Who can't love themselves,
Who can't love everyone around them,
Who are wasting away being unhappy over trivial things,
I died, dear diary.

For the pretty but fake,
Living but dying,
Skinny but hungry,
Smiling but depressed,
That made my heart weep,
And I died, dear diary.

For the timid body,
For the unmotivated mind,
For the broken-hearted,
For the yearning hearts,
For the discouraged,
For the despised,
For the unsatisfied,
Still left with a lingering hunger.
For the wandering strangers,
I wept,
And I died, dear diary.

I pray thee, tell me
What's to be done, dear diary?

In My Distress.

Weak,down and depressed,
Pressed and crushed,
Clueless and faint,
What shall I do?
Where shall I go?

Who shall I meet?
What shall I say?
Is my hope my real hope?
Or am I hoping on vanity,
Searching deep for answers but still blank?

Time and tide waits for no one they told me,
Am I wasting my time or is my time wasting me away?
Should I cry or wail?
Will my tears make me hale?

I shan't cry nor wail,but pray.
I'll hope and look unto the God of Creations,
Cause He wishes the best for me,His creation.
My hope is in Him,
My mind is stayed on Him.

#Imperfect child of a perfect Father.


You do know that I appreciate you and value your thoughts, yeah? Please read, like and leave a comment. Thank you.❣️

Poem credit: #Pheebzs– … Do appreciate my friend, she penned down those words.😊 Thank you, Bex♥️.

Whatever you do, keep going.

Stay blessed!


Weep Not, Child.

Weep not, Child

Weep not for things unseen

Weep not for paths untrodden

Weep not for fortune changed

Weep not for the past, fear not for the future

Weep not Child, everything is bound to have its day.

Weep not for the darkness in there,

For it ignites like an embered coal.

Weep not for mistakes made,

For there stands another chance.

Weep not for treasures lost,

For unto thee, wholeness beckons.

Weep not even when there is no hope,

Even when nothing you do show any sign of promise,

You keep going anyway.

Weep not on days when you don’t feel like going,

Growth is a long term game, and the crappy days are also important.

Weep not, Child

There is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on.

Weep not, Child

Don’t be scared to move on, close this chapter of hurt and let it fade away.

Weep not, Child

Get up, and get what your life deserves.

Weep not, Child

This too shall pass,

And in time, you’ll be glad it’s gone.

Weep not, Child

Let God create something better for your future.

Weep not, Child.

You are loved,

You are cherished,

You are made for more.

You do know that I appreciate you, and that I value your thoughts and opinions, yeah? Please leave a comment, like and share.

Remember… Weep not, Child. Whatever it may be, it won’t last.


Dear Me… With Love, Ivy.

Yhaay. We’re back from the mini hiatus.😊

Episode 5.

“It’s hard out there. Sometimes it feels like the world is ripping apart at the seams. Sometimes it feels like your heart can’t take anymore hurt. But no matter what the world throws at you – anxiety,  fear, confusion,  temptation – you have a choice on how to respond. You can choose –”

Cutting off the preacher’s message about choosing life, she changed the channel to another one.

She had no time for unnecessary sermons, She hissed.

Readjusting herself on the sofa she had sank herself into, she picked up the fabric she was knitting earlier from the side table, and continued with it.

Knitting – one of the many things she enjoyed doing. The period spent knitting always give her time to reminisce about the past. It do bring her closer to her mother. Her dead mother. Her mother had taught her how to knit when she was just but a little girl. They would sit together and watch movies as they knit. And like that,  she fell in love with knitting. She had always been a mummy’s girl, until everything changed. And even now, she remained a mummy’s girl at heart.

She wished it never happened. Because she would have done more than she was capable of now, would have saw more and been more than what she already was. She wouldn’t be thinking in the deepest part of her mind when her next breakdown will happen, or if every mood swing of hers related back to her depression.

“I hate my life.” She mumbled sadly. “I hate me.”

“Life is just life. Nothing more.” She said reflectively.

Turning away from the show she was watching, she gazed rather absentmindedly at the window. Suddenly, a bright light from afar caught her attention. She stood up and padded to the window so as to get a clearer look. She couldn’t decipher where the light was coming from exactly, she therefore focused on its brightness and marveled at it.

Suddenly, she heard a voice so clear, calm and loud saying to her: “You will burn so bright just like that bright light. The darkest sky won’t be able to stop you.”

Stunned and surprised, she stood shocked out of her wits for a long while before regaining herself back.

“What was that?” She asked rhetorically. “Was that you, Doyin?” She called out fearfully.

“There is no one here with me, I believe.” She said exasperatedly.

Trying hard to reason what she heard, she couldn’t relate it with anything and that got her more confused.

“No too reason am Ivy. Forget am.”  She said, giving herself a pep talk.

But still, the words kept on repeating themselves in her head as if being re-echoed.

“How ordinary light con relate with burning bright?” She asked dramatically.

“I dey worry myself sef. Hin fit be na from that movie dem talk am.” She said assuredly.

Yet her subconscious countered it.

“Anyhow sha.” She shrugged.

“Ehn, na from the movie. Who go dey follow me talk wen no one dey here?”

Sinking herself into the sofa once again, she continued with her knitting and brushed aside the incident like it never happened.

“What’s to be done next?” She asked herself.

For that day, she had nothing much planned. She only had to meet a client at the Shark – the newly opened restaurant. And with that, she was very confident of the fact that she sure wouldn’t come back empty-handed.

* * *

She had been waiting for the past thirty minutes, glancing up every seconds at the sound of the door opening. She feared having to experience the one thing she hated most – being stood up. She wouldn’t do that to a man!

Picking up her phone, she scrolled through all her social media accounts, checking her news feed as she whiled away time with that. Some minutes later, she checked the time – 45 minutes. Now, she was feeling so embarassed already. It felt as if all eyes were on her – the young lady who had been sitting alone since, and had only had a glass of water.

Contemplating on whether to leave or await her client’s arrival a bit longer, she decided on surveying the restaurant. Scanning through the many people that occupied the space, her gaze landed on a young handsome man who sat at an extreme far end of the dining room. Just like her, he had no company. Watching him from her seat, she could see his lips moving which indicated that he was mumbling some words to himself.

She didn’t know what it was, she just felt a sudden pull towards the man. It was unexplainable. Feeling the urge to approach him, she made to stand up, but just then she heard a voice by her side.

“You must be Ivy, right?” The person asked.

She looked up to find a man all dressed up in business attire. His suit was personally tailored, her guess some expensive brand.

“Yes. And you must be Mr. Coker?” She was pleased with how her voice came out, it sounded calm and confident.

“I am.” He affirmed as he took his seat. “I’m really sorry for keeping you waiting for this long. Accept my apology.” The man said.

“It’s okay, things like that do happen.” She replied cheerily.

“Thanks for understanding.” He said, smiling his thanks at her. “We won’t be dining here anyway, I made a reservation at the right extreme end.”

Staring off towards where he indicated, it happened to be around where the young man from earlier sat. Gracefully, she pulled herself up from her seat. “Let’s get going then.”

“Right after you, Miss.”

Sending him a smile, she made her way towards their reserved area. As she passed by the young man, she stole a last quick glance at him. From his mumbled words, all she could made out was: “ That bright light is He who comes in the name of…”

* * *

“I’ll just come straight to the main point, I’m not here to dine and wine with you.” Erica said, coming off rude than she’d intended.

Dennis looked at her like she was high on something, wondering where her confidence came from. He wasn’t expecting her to that harsh. But honestly, he hardly knew her. Waving off the waiter who had dropped by to take their order, he nodded at her to continue.

“We both know the reality of this relationship. The text you sent wasn’t a drunken mistake, so there is no need for you to feed me more lies.”

As soon as those words left her mouth, he felt the anger winding up in him. He gave off no emotion whatsoever, leaning back more into his seat.

“I agree even I was not perfect, but your actions were not justified. I don’t hate you. No, I couldn’t if I wanted to. I just hate all the hurt that you put me through. And that I blame myself for letting you.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, I guess sharp and blunt is what you want. Let’s play it your way, Mr. Durojaye.” She smirked, pulling herself closer to him.

She called him by his surname, and not his name. He was shocked. She had never done that, and he wondered what she was playing at.

“What’s the time by the way?” She asked with clear mischief. “Let’s see.” She pulled out her phone to check the time.

“Yeah. We’ve spent like 10 minutes here. In some minutes time, you’re gonna receive an important business call, leaving me to enjoy this damn date all by myself. So pathetic, right? You’re so high up on your high horse to spend more than ten minutes with me.” She smiled sarcastically.

Shocked at her words, he tried his best to pull off an innocent face. Was he that obvious? He had no idea.

Setting her arms on the wood surface, she raised her chin.

“Surprised?” She laughed bitterly. “I wasn’t that dumb. You had me as a fool for a long time, and I played that card well.” She said, facepalming herself. “

“I’m sorry, okay?” She said, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I’m not all the things that you want and all the things that you thought I would be. I’m sorry I’m not like your type of woman, and for not being someone you’re used to. And I’m sorry for having wasted your time.”

“And I’ll say thank you too. For giving me the courage to change, the need to sort out the unwanted things and people from my life. In your own ways, you helped me to find my worth. You deserve someone better. Someone better than me. I guess I’m something brand new you’ve never seen. So, thank you.” She said, clasping her hands together.

More importantly, she was back with her first love. He never approved of her relationship with Dennis, but she went on stubbornly, edging completely away from Him. She remembered her cries last night, her pleas for mercy. But all along, He had been waiting for her. He had accepted her back with opened arms. Her brokenness brought her back to Him, and she wouldn’t trade Him for anything this time around.

“This is where we part ways. Guess we were never meant to be.” She said sadly, slowly shaking her head.

Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a business card and slid it over to him.

“I know how bad you want that contract. Call up the number. Consider it a parting gift.”

Her eyes were filled with tears, she do not dare to look in his direction as she knew if she did, she would not be able to hold those tears anymore.

He said nothing. She swallowed a lump and glanced briefly at him, as tears were threatening to spill. He kept on looking at her with an expressionless face. She waited for him to say something, but he said nothing. There was just an unbearable silence between them. She wanted to scream at him to say something, or at least show some emotions. But she felt the urge not to. Not wanting to break down in his presence, she grabbed her things and stood up.

“And Dennis? Your future woman, do treat her well. Love and cherish her. Value her, please.” She pleaded. “Do well for yourself. Goodbye.” She sent him a weak smile and walked out of the restaurant.

Dennis watched as she walked off, until her retreating figure was out of his view. He whispered goodbye as a tear dropped from his eye.

To be continued…

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Cover design: Mayor Graphics.

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What could be more intriguing than having a weird attraction towards someone whose aura screamed mystery?

I guessed nothing else.

And there she was, the object of my attraction, staring hard into the woods, so afar off. I watched her silently for some while, and without knowing when and how, I found myself sitting beside her on the grass.

She gave off no impression of having heard someone settled by her side. She spared me no glance, she just kept on basking in her aloneness. Well, I wasn’t surprised, after all she had a reputation of being the school snob. An attitude problem if you would call it that.

“I don’t have an attitude problem, just a personality no one can handle.” She said out of the blues.

Her words caught me off-guard, and I couldn’t help but stare at her like she’d grown two heads. Coupled with the mysteries that surrounded her, could she read minds as well?

“I’m no weirdo, okay? You can stop staring at me like I’m one. I’m just your normal girl.” She shrugged.

Normal? She called herself normal? She was nothing close to being normal. Weird… Strange… Name it, that would be the perfect definition for her being.

“Call me whatever you want, I care less.”

“Why are you here anyway? You shouldn’t be seen with the loner, you know?” She pointed out in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You are not that.” I voiced out shakily.

She turned her gaze on me. Her mask slipped off from her face that moment, and I caught a glimpse of surprise off her. Well, why shouldn’t she be? Even my words surprised me.

“Maybe you’re just different?” I muttered, the statement ending as a question.

She snorted with laughter.

“Why the sudden interest?”

I shrugged, clearly uncertain on the reply to give. “I’m just drawn to you, you piqued my curiosity.”

She gave no reply.

And like that, we sat in silence.

She stared into the sky and I followed her gaze. It was fixed on a bird floating through space.

“In every walk with nature, one receives far more than one seeks. Nature provides a place of comfort and solitude, an escape from the pressures of life. Looking deep into nature makes me understand everything better.” She said with a lit face.

I stared at her in admiration. I had always known that she had a deep side to her, never knew it ran that deep.

“I never meant to be this way…” She started.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. But I didn’t interrupt her. Guess I would finally get an answer to her mysterious aura.

“…It just happened.” She finished off.

A deep sigh escaped from her mouth.

“There was no one to help me. No one would have believed my sith. I made the journey alone, and unfortunately I got caught. In my mind, things go dark. And no one knew. But then no one really knew me. Only me.”

She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth, her eyes squeezing shut. A stiftled sob sound escaped her lips and she immediately sucked in a harsh breath in an attempt to calm down. Then she glanced at me with a watery smile.

“Trying to know me won’t help you.”

“And why?” I deadpanned.

“You know half to nothing.” She chuckled. “I’ve always watched you, and I’d watched you watched me over the years as well.”

I laughed at her words. “I’m glad you stalked me as well.”

She smiled brightly, willing herself not to laugh.

“You are like that man my Ma do talk about everytime. Maybe I should call you picture-perfect.” She said.

Picture-perfect? Should that word be used for a mortal like me? I shook my head in disagreement. “I’m not without flaws. No one is perfect.”

She looked at me like she wanted to dispute that, but then she nodded.

“Ma said life isn’t perfect, maybe you’re right as well. When we lost all, she told me to hold on to the perfect moments, that the scars do not have to define me.” She said reflectively.

“Ma told me a lot about that man. But I will forever hold on to two things about Him. He is a Father. And He is a Saviour. I have never had a real father, but I imagine that a real father, a real Saviour, doesn’t wait for his children to say the right words when they are hurting. He would throw his arms around them, wanting to save them, right?

I nodded affirmatively, my gaze fixed on her.

“Ma said that in everything I should give thanks. In times of good and in bad, I should remain grateful to Him. But then, I found it hard to understand the idea of an unconventional God who resided up high and watched His people suffer. Why should He be revered? It made no sense to me.”

I pondered on her question as well, trying hard to wage it from her perspective.

“But after He had saved me, I realized that truly, God dwells in shadow and mystery. But I know one thing about Him now, one thing forever – This God of mystery and shadow gave good gifts, even to those who failed Him. Even if I fail Him again and again, I believe He would still be near, walking with me in my darkness.”

I believed that also, cause He had saved me at wild and unpredictable moments. He is here and He is at work. I am together with Him and I am safe.

Her words were all I needed at the moment. Who knew the strange girl always cladded in black had so much depth to her being?

“Ma said even though life didn’t work out for her the way she had wished, I am the good gift she got from Him.” She said dreamily. “With Ma, I had been through a lot, but He held it all together for us.”

I imagined what she might had been through and I sighed deeply.

“By some miracles, maybe the stars would align and the planets would rearrange, but in this moment, He is our picture-perfect.”

She smiled widely. “He was my rescue, and He saved me from myself. He love me, this I know and there are no exceptions. My picture-perfect!”

Photo Credit: Jerryshots.