“This is just an ambivalent chapter in my life. I will get through it. I’ll get through it, I’ll get through it, I’ll get through it, I will.”
I don’t know when exactly I started giving myself this pep talk – or why. It just sort of formed. I wake up every morning, and I tell myself that, and it slowly morphed into a mantra.
I felt the need to remind myself of the temporariness of a day, to reassure myself that I got through yesterday; I’ll get through today.
I was panicking. That was why. Fearful and scared without reason. My thoughts spiralled out of control.
This attitude was a downer that was making my life miserable. Every day felt like “blue Monday.”
I wanted it to go.
I was telling a friend this recently and she laughed and said, “I know – this is where you are going to use the 139th Psalm.”
She was so right. It just has to be my favorite portion of Scripture. Let me share the first ten verses with you.
“LORD, you have examined me and you know me. You know everything I do; from far away you understand all my thoughts.
You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions.
Even before I speak, you already know what I will say.
You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power.
Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding.
Where could I go to escape from you?
If I went up to heaven, you would be there; if I lay down in the world of the dead, you would be there.
Where could I get away from your presence?
If I flew away beyond the east or lived in the farthest place in the west, you would be there to lead me, you would be there to help me.” GNT.
Read it again, and again, until it sinks in. Think about it.
God knows everything about you. What you do, think, or say – and all before it even happens.
He is acquainted with you – completely! He goes before you and He follows from behind.
You are surrounded by His love and care. And He has laid His hand upon you. Wherever you are, He is there.
You know that God loves you, but do you realize that He also likes you? Just the way you are. Knowing everything about you, your failures, your doubts, fears, and heartaches.
He still likes you – and me.
See, here’s the thing: No matter how slight– or serious– our problem is, it can be handled best without panic.
While reading the Gospel of Mark one day, I discovered a beautiful parallel between the disciples of Jesus and us. Jesus had been teaching the multitude beside the sea.
When evening came, He instructed His disciples to take the boat to the other side. Here is the account of their “stormy trip” as recorded in Mark 4:37-40.
It is so easy when the storms of life engulf you with loneliness and doubt, to wonder if the Lord is even aware that you hurt.
Perhaps you cry out, much as the disciples did, “Don’t you even care that I’m lonely and afraid?”
And even as you turn to Him, He replies, “Yes, I care.”
Then, He will whisper, “Peace, be still.” to the winds that toss you to and fro.
He is there, in your struggle to find yourself and to cope with each new problem.
Not only does the Lord know when we are about to panic because of some unusual circumstance but, He also understands. He understands because of that day in the boat with His disciples.
He knows the weakness of our humanity and stands ready to meet our every need.
It’s like what Pastor Todd said, “The storm has an expiration hour. You can still worship in the storm. Trust God, through the storm.”
But for now, remember that no matter how stormy your life seems, or how prone you are to panic, the Lord understands and is just waiting to say “Peace, be still.”
And just this morning, I once again opened my Bible to the 143rd Psalm. David always seems to say what is on my heart better than I can, so I made verses 7 and 8 my prayer for the day.
“Hear me speedily, O Lord; my spirit faileth.
Hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust.
Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.” KJV.
Whatever it is you may be going through, whatever your problem may be, don’t panic.
Instead, ask the Lord to help you “know the way wherein (you) should walk.”
He loves you and He is ever with you.
I am Oluwaferanmi,
And you are loved by God❤.
Edited by Daniela Obike.
This post is dedicated to my sister, Priscilla; my best girl, Phoebe-Deborah, and my friend, Daniela. Thank you so much. I love you. Really.❤
Song recommendation: “Praise You In This Storm” by Casting Crowns / Natalie Grant.
If you haven’t already, check out my recent posts:
Everyone struggles with motivation issues at one point or the other. Whether you are having a hard time finding the motivation to do your laundry or work on a business pitch.
Thing is, we all get into slumps.
It is how we choose to deal with it that matters, however.
In this article are 6 ways to help you get back on track.
Now let’s get to the gist of it.
1. Remind yourself why you started.
Whenever you find yourself lacking the motivation to do a task, the best trick is to remind yourself why you started or why you want to start.
It’s quite simple.
Just honestly fill in these gaps:
– I want to do this job because…
– I started doing this because…
Did you find a reason? Yeah! That’s enough motivation to keep going.
Pause!
Go back and fill those gaps to find your ‘why’ before reading the next one.
Done?
Good.
The next one:
2. Manage your to-do list.
I’ve always been honest with you, so as now.
To-do lists are good; they keep you on track. But having a long to-do list will leave you feeling pressured and unmotivated.
You’ll agree that it’s quite tough to feel motivated when chores on your to-do list are overwhelming, right?
How then do you solve this?
Take a look at your to-do list and determine if it’s too long. If so, get rid of tasks that are not too essential.
You might even want to move some tasks to another day and that’s fine.
Move the most important things on the list to the top, and get started with one shot at it.
As a result, you might start to feel more motivated to get to work.
3. Reward yourself when you complete tasks.
Who else loves Cola? Gather here for a selfie.
I buy myself Cola whenever I finish a job or I steal one from my Mama’s freezer.
Right, what was I saying?
Yeah, reward yourself for working. Meaning, treat yourself to a small reward for your hard work. You might find that focusing on the small rewards keep you motivated to do the chore.
Experiment with a few different strategies until you find one that works for you.
Just make sure your reward is not sabotaging your efforts. We don’t want to decrease the motivation in the long term, right?
4. Find it from others.
Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated and you need that jumpstart from others. Getting inspired by others can be in form of podcasts, YouTube videos, Instagram posts, and Tweets. You can also absorb motivation from your loved ones, your favorite Instagram accounts, or TV shows.
I’ve found that doing this motivates and inspires me to work harder and smarter, and it can do the same for you.
5. Pair a dreaded task with something you enjoy.
Doing the dishes is every last child’s greatest pain and it’s a task I dread doing. But I’ve found listening to my favorite music a perfect way to walk through that task.
Here are some other tricks I use for tasks I dread:
– Whenever I have to run errands, I go with a friend.
– I procrastinate a lot (nahhh, I’m not proud of it.) and whenever I find myself doing that, I read —just to make the time being wasted productive, and to find the needed motivation.
– I dread cooking but listening to audiobooks makes it enjoyable.
Boost your mood by adding a little fun to something you are not motivated to do. You might even find yourself looking forward to doing the task since it’s been paired with something fun.
It can work for you too. Pair a task you dread, or one you know you might procrastinate doing, with something you enjoy and feel the magic.
6. Stay optimistic.
When you are struggling with motivation, you will likely find many reasons to not take any action.
You might think: “It’ll not turn out well” or “It’ll be too hard” or “Someone else might be better.” These types of thoughts will leave you in the same spot.
Stay optimistic instead. Try arguing the opposite. Forget the “what if it doesn’t?” and focus on the “what if it does?”
When you think you might fail, argue all the reasons why you might succeed.
Developing a balanced outlook will make you more motivated to try.
There are other ways to overcome lack of motivation too, such as:
– Surrounding yourself with people with similar goals.
– Going on a walk with nature.
– Making your tasks “habits”.
– Practicing self-care by being kind and compassionate to yourself.
– Working with an accountability partner.
– Visualize yourself completing the task.
Each way may not work for you, but try to find at least one that you can start practicing.
But then, no be me go tell you wetin you go do.
Because forget motivation, let’s face it,
We all just want to sleep.
Now imagine after reading all these, you still don’t leave me a comment…
So I had an interview with a blogger friend over the weekend, and trust me to bring you all the gist.
He is a wonderful blogger and you can check out his blog by clicking this link: jerryshots.wordpress.com
Now, sit back and enjoy…
Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
My name is Jeremiah Ayodele and I am 17 years old. I am the second child, and I have two other siblings; one older, one younger.
I am a prospective lawyer and a photographer(Mobile and Dslr).
And, I am also a Christian.
Tell us, what topics do you write about the most?
I write about Christian content, all the time.
Okay, interesting.
You know how everything has a story behind it, gist us.
How and when did you start up your blog?
The story behind my blog…
It is very funny that the person interviewing me is actually responsible for the startup of this blog.
Sometime last year— around August,— I sought advice from you, Agnes, on how to make money through Photography, And you told me to set up a photoblog on WordPress.
I did that, also did the customization, and got the site ready.
In fact, I was already preparing my first photoblog when something happened.
I fell into a particular sin one particular night and I became very sad. I felt like expressing myself somewhere and then I remembered… I had a blog😂!
Boom!
I opened the WordPress app and I began to write.
After writing, it looked good and your boy decided to post it.
The rest, they say, is history.😌
You’re joking?!
Just like that?
Bruh,
So how do you stay motivated?
I stay motivated through the help of the Holy Spirit.
I have a content bank where I store all my ideas and topics to write on beforehand.
When I want to make a post, I go to it and find the motivation.
Hmmm…
That’s actually smart, you know?
Ok, so in your language, define ‘being creative.’
‘Cause, different people have different perspectives on it.
‘Being Creative’ to me is just being yourself. Everyone has his/her style.
I usually say, “Be yourself with the help of the Holy Spirit and be the best at it.”
To me, it’s that simple.
Wow!
I’m pretty sure someone somewhere is already screaming, “Wisdom!”
Tell us,
What is your favorite piece of content you’ve created and why?
Hmm…
You’ve got me stuck on this one.
My favorite piece😂?
I can’t pick. I am surprised at how wonderful all my write-ups are.
But if I was to pick though, I would recommend “In these lies our Victory.”
I love it so much because of the way the inspiration came to me.
They aren’t yours, to begin with. Dish them out freely, they aren’t yours to keep. A kind, genuine, thoughtful compliment has the power to turn someone’s day around in an instant and make them feel proud, happy, and appreciated. Just ensure you do when you tell someone you like their shirt and it’s not being said in Mean Girls Regina George-style “Oh my God I love your bracelet, where did you get it?!” (We all watched “Mean Girls”, right?😂)
“If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.”
Ruthie Lindsey.
Compliments make us feel good. They help us communicate the appreciation we feel toward one another. Just yesterday, a friend told me I was doing well. Of course, I knew that already, but sometimes, it takes someone repeating it to you to give you the strength and courage you need to carry on. Another instance was when I attended to an older woman at my mum’s stand last week. Before departing, she complimented me with these words: “You have a beautiful smile, Feranmi.” I wasn’t compliment-starved in that area, yet her words made my day, and the next time she came, the big smile wasn’t far from my face. My point from this – behaviors that get rewarded are likely to be repeated. So, if you tell someone how much you liked his smile when you greeted each other, he’s likely to smile again on seeing you.
I need you to get this right. Giving out compliments – even to strangers – is not about you being fake and looking for people to like you. No, it’s way beyond that. If you pass someone, and like something, say it. But make sure it’s a STAR compliment – Specific, True, Appropriate, and Respectful.“I love those shoes!” or “Nice hairdo!” or “You have a beautiful smile!” or “You are amazing!” or “Wow your eyes are beautiful.”…
Don’t hold back. Why? Because life is hard and people can be mean plus nobody wants a mean comment. You never know how much those few words can mean to someone. It’s nice to be nice, so try your little best to put positivity out there in the universe.
“Everybody likes a compliment.”
Abraham Lincoln.
Never underestimate the power of a random compliment. Sometimes, the simple compliments mean the most. Throw compliments around like confetti. Make someone’s day.🤸♂️❤
Stay beautiful!
I am Oluwaferanmi,
And you are loved by God!❤
PS: I do not want this to turn into a long post. So tomorrow, I’ll be back with another write-up on what you should know about how to give compliments and receive them. See you tomorrow! Bright and early.🤗
Awo did me bad. Its stairs ain’t smiling also. They offer no iota of sympathy. Every day begs the question, “To ascend or to descend?” Over time, I’ve found it easier to descend than to ascend. Yeah, it is easier and less stressful to descend than to ascend.
The Obafemi Awolowo female hall of the University of Ibadan prides itself on being the largest hall in West Africa, with 9 blocks, each with 7 floors. My friend resides on the topmost floor – poor me must visit, and that’s a punishment; climbing stairs shouldn’t be termed as a form of exercise. Now do I hate it? I do. I hate ascending.
It’s easier to descend, you have to agree with me. No pant. No stress. No midway pause. No heavy sigh. Just descend, that’s all.
Ascending can be likened to giving yourself purposely to growth and choosing to take a step higher each day in every aspect – academically, spiritually, and morally. It takes sacrifice to ascend. It takes having a purpose to ascend. While I would love a good book or cool music or a nice sleep, I have to ascend. Why? I love my friend. That’s a purpose right there.
Ascending takes courage. It demands willingness and intentionality, same as time and patience. That shouldn’t deter you though, it’s all worth it in the end.
Ascending is picking up that book you’ve left to pile up dust. Ascending is giving yourself that needed push or necessary pep talk to do that task you’ve neglected. Ascending is devoting a specific time to commune with your God and for personal Bible study daily. Ascending is taking the read one step at a time – it gets better.
Even Jesus Christ didn’t stick with the “lows”, He embraced the “highs.” Descending may seem to be much more attractive, but it only keeps you down. Don’t lay down, embrace height.
Here’s a question to ask yourself each beautiful morning, “To ascend or to descend?”
Choose to ascend daily. Choose to build yourself up daily. Choose to grow daily.
I’m grateful to be here today. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. And if you’re reading this, I believe you are good and grateful as well.
“You hold it all together, in my hands it fall apart, but You hold it all together. In my hands, I fall apart, but You hold it all together.” This song has been on repeat on my heart stereo for the past two days. If I would sum up this year, it’ll be with this song “You Hold it all Together” by Maverick city and Upper room. Cause truly, God held it all together for me this year.
A lot to say, fam, but I’m a girl of few words. All in all, thank you for showing up, thank you for being a part of my 2021. I’m truly grateful to y’all.
I’m grateful for the gift of family, friendship and love. I have no words to describe how I feel, but again, God understands. I’ve truly being blessed from all sides; those little miracles can’t be quantified.
2022 would be amazing, guys. See it before you see it. Believe it. Enjoy every day with your loved ones. Make each moment count. Make God count. Choose life always.
God bless!❤️
Thank me for the happiest year of my life.❤️ Thank you for being you! Salud mi familia.🥂
Dear diary, I stayed up late last night Lost in my endless thoughts And my heart bled My tears flowed for the sorrows of the multitude For those dying in solitude And I died, dear diary.
"How are you?" "I'm fine." That's our normal. But my heart bled, For the unsaid: "Confused, Betrayed, Useless, Broken..." "Never good enough, Fragile, Anxious..." "I'm falling apart and you don't notice it." "Pathetic, Annoying, Rejected, Lonely, Defeated." And so, Dear diary, I died.
For the "We don't know where we're going" "We don't know where we belong" "I'm not okay and I can't fix it" "I can't take anything anymore,I give up." I couldn't help it, I died again, dear diary.
For those who can't stop being so angry, Who can't stop being so sad, Who can't stop killing themselves, Who can't love themselves, Who can't love everyone around them, Who are wasting away being unhappy over trivial things, I died, dear diary.
For the pretty but fake, Living but dying, Skinny but hungry, Smiling but depressed, That made my heart weep, And I died, dear diary.
For the timid body, For the unmotivated mind, For the broken-hearted, For the yearning hearts, For the discouraged, For the despised, For the unsatisfied, Still left with a lingering hunger. For the wandering strangers, I wept, And I died, dear diary.
I pray thee, tell me What's to be done, dear diary?
“It’s hard out there. Sometimes it feels like the world is ripping apart at the seams. Sometimes it feels like your heart can’t take anymore hurt. But no matter what the world throws at you – anxiety, fear, confusion, temptation – you have a choice on how to respond. You can choose –”
Cutting off the preacher’s message about choosing life, she changed the channel to another one.
She had no time for unnecessary sermons, She hissed.
Readjusting herself on the sofa she had sank herself into, she picked up the fabric she was knitting earlier from the side table, and continued with it.
Knitting – one of the many things she enjoyed doing. The period spent knitting always give her time to reminisce about the past. It do bring her closer to her mother. Her dead mother. Her mother had taught her how to knit when she was just but a little girl. They would sit together and watch movies as they knit. And like that, she fell in love with knitting. She had always been a mummy’s girl, until everything changed. And even now, she remained a mummy’s girl at heart.
She wished it never happened. Because she would have done more than she was capable of now, would have saw more and been more than what she already was. She wouldn’t be thinking in the deepest part of her mind when her next breakdown will happen, or if every mood swing of hers related back to her depression.
“I hate my life.” She mumbled sadly. “I hate me.”
“Life is just life. Nothing more.” She said reflectively.
Turning away from the show she was watching, she gazed rather absentmindedly at the window. Suddenly, a bright light from afar caught her attention. She stood up and padded to the window so as to get a clearer look. She couldn’t decipher where the light was coming from exactly, she therefore focused on its brightness and marveled at it.
Suddenly, she heard a voice so clear, calm and loud saying to her: “You will burn so bright just like that bright light. The darkest sky won’t be able to stop you.”
Stunned and surprised, she stood shocked out of her wits for a long while before regaining herself back.
“What was that?” She asked rhetorically. “Was that you, Doyin?” She called out fearfully.
“There is no one here with me, I believe.” She said exasperatedly.
Trying hard to reason what she heard, she couldn’t relate it with anything and that got her more confused.
“No too reason am Ivy. Forget am.” She said, giving herself a pep talk.
But still, the words kept on repeating themselves in her head as if being re-echoed.
“How ordinary light con relate with burning bright?” She asked dramatically.
“I dey worry myself sef. Hin fit be na from that movie dem talk am.” She said assuredly.
Yet her subconscious countered it.
“Anyhow sha.” She shrugged.
“Ehn, na from the movie. Who go dey follow me talk wen no one dey here?”
Sinking herself into the sofa once again, she continued with her knitting and brushed aside the incident like it never happened.
“What’s to be done next?” She asked herself.
For that day, she had nothing much planned. She only had to meet a client at the Shark – the newly opened restaurant. And with that, she was very confident of the fact that she sure wouldn’t come back empty-handed.
* * *
She had been waiting for the past thirty minutes, glancing up every seconds at the sound of the door opening. She feared having to experience the one thing she hated most – being stood up. She wouldn’t do that to a man!
Picking up her phone, she scrolled through all her social media accounts, checking her news feed as she whiled away time with that. Some minutes later, she checked the time – 45 minutes. Now, she was feeling so embarassed already. It felt as if all eyes were on her – the young lady who had been sitting alone since, and had only had a glass of water.
Contemplating on whether to leave or await her client’s arrival a bit longer, she decided on surveying the restaurant. Scanning through the many people that occupied the space, her gaze landed on a young handsome man who sat at an extreme far end of the dining room. Just like her, he had no company. Watching him from her seat, she could see his lips moving which indicated that he was mumbling some words to himself.
She didn’t know what it was, she just felt a sudden pull towards the man. It was unexplainable. Feeling the urge to approach him, she made to stand up, but just then she heard a voice by her side.
“You must be Ivy, right?” The person asked.
She looked up to find a man all dressed up in business attire. His suit was personally tailored, her guess some expensive brand.
“Yes. And you must be Mr. Coker?” She was pleased with how her voice came out, it sounded calm and confident.
“I am.” He affirmed as he took his seat. “I’m really sorry for keeping you waiting for this long. Accept my apology.” The man said.
“It’s okay, things like that do happen.” She replied cheerily.
“Thanks for understanding.” He said, smiling his thanks at her. “We won’t be dining here anyway, I made a reservation at the right extreme end.”
Staring off towards where he indicated, it happened to be around where the young man from earlier sat. Gracefully, she pulled herself up from her seat. “Let’s get going then.”
“Right after you, Miss.”
Sending him a smile, she made her way towards their reserved area. As she passed by the young man, she stole a last quick glance at him. From his mumbled words, all she could made out was: “ That bright light is He who comes in the name of…”
* * *
“I’ll just come straight to the main point, I’m not here to dine and wine with you.” Erica said, coming off rude than she’d intended.
Dennis looked at her like she was high on something, wondering where her confidence came from. He wasn’t expecting her to that harsh. But honestly, he hardly knew her. Waving off the waiter who had dropped by to take their order, he nodded at her to continue.
“We both know the reality of this relationship. The text you sent wasn’t a drunken mistake, so there is no need for you to feed me more lies.”
As soon as those words left her mouth, he felt the anger winding up in him. He gave off no emotion whatsoever, leaning back more into his seat.
“I agree even I was not perfect, but your actions were not justified. I don’t hate you. No, I couldn’t if I wanted to. I just hate all the hurt that you put me through. And that I blame myself for letting you.”
“What are you talking about?” He asked with raised eyebrows.
“Oh, I guess sharp and blunt is what you want. Let’s play it your way, Mr. Durojaye.” She smirked, pulling herself closer to him.
She called him by his surname, and not his name. He was shocked. She had never done that, and he wondered what she was playing at.
“What’s the time by the way?” She asked with clear mischief. “Let’s see.” She pulled out her phone to check the time.
“Yeah. We’ve spent like 10 minutes here. In some minutes time, you’re gonna receive an important business call, leaving me to enjoy this damn date all by myself. So pathetic, right? You’re so high up on your high horse to spend more than ten minutes with me.” She smiled sarcastically.
Shocked at her words, he tried his best to pull off an innocent face. Was he that obvious? He had no idea.
Setting her arms on the wood surface, she raised her chin.
“Surprised?” She laughed bitterly. “I wasn’t that dumb. You had me as a fool for a long time, and I played that card well.” She said, facepalming herself. “
“I’m sorry, okay?” She said, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I’m not all the things that you want and all the things that you thought I would be. I’m sorry I’m not like your type of woman, and for not being someone you’re used to. And I’m sorry for having wasted your time.”
“And I’ll say thank you too. For giving me the courage to change, the need to sort out the unwanted things and people from my life. In your own ways, you helped me to find my worth. You deserve someone better. Someone better than me. I guess I’m something brand new you’ve never seen. So, thank you.” She said, clasping her hands together.
More importantly, she was back with her first love. He never approved of her relationship with Dennis, but she went on stubbornly, edging completely away from Him. She remembered her cries last night, her pleas for mercy. But all along, He had been waiting for her. He had accepted her back with opened arms. Her brokenness brought her back to Him, and she wouldn’t trade Him for anything this time around.
“This is where we part ways. Guess we were never meant to be.” She said sadly, slowly shaking her head.
Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a business card and slid it over to him.
“I know how bad you want that contract. Call up the number. Consider it a parting gift.”
Her eyes were filled with tears, she do not dare to look in his direction as she knew if she did, she would not be able to hold those tears anymore.
He said nothing. She swallowed a lump and glanced briefly at him, as tears were threatening to spill. He kept on looking at her with an expressionless face. She waited for him to say something, but he said nothing. There was just an unbearable silence between them. She wanted to scream at him to say something, or at least show some emotions. But she felt the urge not to. Not wanting to break down in his presence, she grabbed her things and stood up.
“And Dennis? Your future woman, do treat her well. Love and cherish her. Value her, please.” She pleaded. “Do well for yourself. Goodbye.” She sent him a weak smile and walked out of the restaurant.
Dennis watched as she walked off, until her retreating figure was out of his view. He whispered goodbye as a tear dropped from his eye.
To be continued…
Read, Share, Like and Comment.
For support, corrections and constructive criticisms,
“And I’m happy about this. It’s just that…” she trailed off. “I’m pained about having wasted three years with that guy.”
“He messed me up – real bad. Being with him did more harm to my mental health. He said a lot. That I added no value to his life. His words were harsh and hurtful. And I felt so sad, so worthless, and so tired of everyone and everything.”
She paused to catch a breath, while Edward nodded at her encouragingly.
“It had all been me faking happiness, smiles and joy, presenting myself to people like all was going on well with me, while actually, I’d been wearing off from within. All I feel now is emptiness. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Edward heaved out as she kept on sobbing. He knew best not to console her, but to let her cry it all out. He knew she would cease her crying. And that was what she did some minutes after. Wiping her tears with an handkerchief he had handed to her, she stopped her sniffs and looked up to him.
“I’m pathetic, right?” She asked in a whisper.
He smiled at her, pulling her into his arms. “You are not. It’s okay to cry.”
It was silent afterwards. They sat in silence, without any utterance from any. For that moment, the silence was enough. It communicated Erica’s pains, sorrows, feelings and thoughts to Edward, and the same way, it communicated Edward’s love, concern, thoughts and unshed tears to Erica. The silence was a voice on its own. They understood it well. And it was enough. It had always been enough for them.
“What I need now is a break. No more tears on any other person. I need no one to make me feel worthless anymore, my mental health is more important.” She said.
“It’s for the best, I believe.”
“Yeah.”
“Erica?” He called, heading towards his table.
“Hmmm?”
“I’m really sorry about having nothing to say to this.” He said.
“No need for that.” She smiled at him. “You made a great listener. Thank you.”
He nodded, then picked up a card from his table and handed it to her. “What do you have to say to that?”
With a quick glance at the card, she raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, “A shrink?”
He shrugged, “She is a friend of mine. She can help.”
Leaning more into her seat, she tapped a finger repeatedly on her chin. “You do trust her?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t have recommended someone I do not.”
“If you want it, let me know. I’ll give her a call.”
Without more words, she smiled her thanks at him.
* * *
Once she got home, she tossed her flats into the shoe closet and set her bag on the dining table. Grabbing a pie, she took a minute to collect herself before heading to her room. The bed was a huge no-no, since the minute her body hit the mattress, she knew she’d be out like a light. With care, she maneuvered around the space. First things first, check emails. Her laptop took a minute or two to start up, but once it did, it was smooth sailing.
She started sifting through the pile, deleting and replying. Then she came across one that left her blood cold. Her fingers trembled and a bead of sweet trailed down the base of her neck. She read and reread the writing in the sender box.
Dennis Durojaye.
The English language was seriously lacking at that moment. There was no specific word to describe the atrocious mixture of pure rage and confusion swirling around in her brain. She might not be sure what her stance was on the email Dennis decided to dump into her inbox, but she knew one thing – it wasn’t needed. Not by her, at least.
She sighed and slumped lower into her chair. As much as she tried not to, her eyes skimmed across the text on her screen once again.
– The text message was a drunken mistake, Erica. It meant nothing, please. –
All she wanted to do was to press the delete button, but what held her back from doing just that, she couldn’t fathom. The next thing she knew, she found herself typing a reply to him.
– An email? You should have sent another text like you did earlier. –
His reply was immediate. Desperate much? She scoffed.
– I can explain babe. Can we meet up please? –
The nerve of him! She groaned, her eyes flashing with anger.
She hesitated for some while, her fingers hovering over the keyboard.
– We’re done, Dennis. Your explanation won’t be needed. –
She read her reply once again, about to hit on the send button. Then for some reasons, she backspaced all she had typed.
A smug smile found it way across her face. With a quick move, she picked up her phone and pressed dial on his number. He answered at the first ring.
“Erica…”
“The Shark. 7:00pm tomorrow. Don’t worry about being stood up, I won’t.”
* * *
“Yesss!” Dennis screamed, flinging his phone carelessly on his bed.
His flatmate looked up at him questioningly.
“In two days time, I’m gonna get that big contract, bruv.” He said happily.
“Wawu. How will you do that?” His flatmate asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Dennis laughed. “I own the ace.”
“Erica?”
“You got that right, TK.” Dennis replied with a smirk.
“You’re still using that girl?” TK scoffed.
“Oh, yes. I planned on popping her v-card before discarding her.”
“You disgust me sometimes guy.” TK said with pure disapproval. “You never liked her?”
“I never said I didn’t.” Dennis replied defensively. “But I happened to like her father’s money and connections much more better.”
“The poor lady did you no bad, D.” TK said in Erica’s defense.
Dennis glared at him, “Her soon-to-be broken heart is gonna need some ice-cream and chocolates. I bet you’ll be the perfect shoulder for her to cry on.”
TK glared back at him irritatedly, then flipped him off.
The A Word 