Would you please stop pointing the gun at me?

“Excuse me while I overthink.”

Inner demons, they are the worst. I cleared my thoughts again and again, yet they never stopped showing up when I’m all alone. No one could see the battles in my heart. No one could see how the demons kept biting. They refused to go away, bruising and breaking as their stay got way too prolonged. It was a battle I planned on not losing; guess my strength’s got nothing compared to theirs. I couldn’t push them down. I gave up.

“Excuse me while I overthink” became my normal. This thing inside my head convinced me that “what-ifs” are good enough, that I can be surrounded by millions of people and still feel less. There is no in-between. There is no room for escape. I legit scream at those thoughts that kept pointing the gun at me.

And while I kept seeing ashes where there were once flames, I got handed this jackpot!

“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s Word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings please, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things (center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart.)

Philippians 4:8

A little note from Paul: “You should think on these things. Exactly these things. You can and should direct your thoughts to what I’ve described. It’s an action statement, not just words to glance through and forget. You should employ your mind in doing just that.”

A friend recently asked why I chose to go with Hagne and not my birthname. I had no candid reason as to why. I therefore, stuck with the cliche response: “I’ve been using my birthname, Hagne is just a variation.” The past two to three months has had me scribbling Hagne all over my journal, trying hard to find a footing in the name. Hagne means “The Lord is my strength.” What better name’s got a girl with a deep sense of insecurity, anxiety, fear and a self-esteem that literally reside in the basement.

I’ve found a resting place in that strength. Liberation now spread everywhere like a lovely perfume. I limited myself by my own thinking. Now it is important for me to always see myself through the eyes of God – strong and courageous!

It feels good to write again.✨

9 days til Christmas! What’s your favorite part about this holiday? I would love to know.😊 (I’ve been listening to Christmas songs since December day 1).

Alright peeps! To sum up this whole jumble of incoherent early morning thoughts, don’t forget to always employ your mind in thinking positively. You are the guardian of your mind. Don’t lose that power. You gotta guard it jealously. I think I’ve said (or written) my part. What about you?

I am Oluwaferanmi,

And you are loved by God.❤️